Witness

Sun like a technicolor x ray.              




 You always carry a dead 'pet' of some type in your car in the event you're pulled over (in the trunk is a variety of surplus). A hazard in your line of 'work' as of course, you are aware. The art with which you approach the role in concentrating on some big emotional upheaval in your life which then, you 'sincerely' but carefully (not dramatically) tell the officer, 'Cyrus' was hit by a car, is in some respects, amazingly aplomb and in others, chilling or both.


              The way you let or rather, make-happen, the blood flush from your face and trace your eyes in doubling half-circles is, without fail, the key to not only avoiding the risk of showing your ID to the officer (and the procedural 'running' of licence/registration which is why the snub-nose is wedged between the seat and center console) but also to (more often than not) drawing out a genuine emotional response from the officer and a brief story of their actual, real, sad pet-related story/memory, something or whatever, at which time you are not listening to the idiot anymore.




          The secret is that all emotion triggers a genuine response, the hard part is realizing that emotions are sophisticated manipulation instruments and, ultimately, are as paper and generic as manufactured 'special occasion' cards.




                An on-scene officer, as it is their nature/job description to snoop, will inevitably determine the(your) 'pet' is dead at which time you say, in always the same inauthentic way you later admonish yourself for, "Oh, my god.".


                     The following is of course, you'll recognize as, your heavily redacted (of course you can fill in the blanks) journal notes also known as;


 Evidence for Federal Prosecution: ("list" from evidence gathered 17 June 2008 suspects unregistered vehicle)


 Keep dead cat/small dog/ bird etc in vehicle - refresh as needed
 Deodorizers/ carpet fresh - with baking soda plastic
8mil duct tape
 tweezers
 US Weekly
Vitamin Water
Luna bars
NEW GPS!!!
 Practice tearing up 'on demand' think of tragedy/loss i.e. finding out (illegible) XXXX was also fucking XXXXXXX -
arrest/strip search/jail clothes- jail food - LYPO FUCKING ORDEAL! ______________________________________________




            One shaky almost-exception being the 'pet' squirrel you hastily employed out of sheer laziness not wanting to peruse the shelter's bio-waste bins or scout the neighborhood etc.


 Some things you can only get away with in Portland.