The sun was sneering.
The AP report was scant and so, becausely, nary a detail but then the gist of it being not just yet another fatality as a result of unintended airbag deployment, it was the accumulative 17 incidents of the same having been reported just since Tuesday afternoon that was breaking news.
From Boston to Seattle an additional 23 non-fatality incidences by Wednesday morning, 12 of which were reported as life threatening with the non-threatened majority, as you now would have to think or classify them, suffering injuries accusatory at the most.
Saturation coverage ensued.
The AP report was scant and so, becausely, nary a detail but then the gist of it being not just yet another fatality as a result of unintended airbag deployment, it was the accumulative 17 incidents of the same having been reported just since Tuesday afternoon that was breaking news.
From Boston to Seattle an additional 23 non-fatality incidences by Wednesday morning, 12 of which were reported as life threatening with the non-threatened majority, as you now would have to think or classify them, suffering injuries accusatory at the most.
Saturation coverage ensued.
Press conferences began to overlap from the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety, NHTSA,
AAA, etc.
There were, of course, bogus incidents of unintended air-bag deployment that didn’t make the news but were passionately reported to Employers, Dentists, Parents of Primary Custody, among others.
There were, of course, bogus incidents of unintended air-bag deployment that didn’t make the news but were passionately reported to Employers, Dentists, Parents of Primary Custody, among others.
Local news channels
offered their own “In depth look at the airbag crises” along with snide commentary from the chin-strapped elite militant bicyclists that included some fairly humorous quips and off color
remarks.
There were video
snippets of car owners carefully sliding into their cars from the passenger
side and inserting the key with an ‘It’s-gonna-blow’ look on their turned away
faces (4 of the minor injury UAD’s having occurring upon ignition).
Weber remained
unconscious and upside down in his Carbon Black Aston Martin V12 Vantage secured
to his seat by the Vantage’s six-point safety harness.
The inverted status symbol near the bottom of a wooded slope just west of Aspen’s skeletal Independence, the ghost town along Aspen’s winding mountain pass.
The left rear wheel spinning freely but for the faint lathing of a pine branch caught up in the crimped underside of the wheel well and of course, the malfunctioned airbag partially deflated.
The inverted status symbol near the bottom of a wooded slope just west of Aspen’s skeletal Independence, the ghost town along Aspen’s winding mountain pass.
The left rear wheel spinning freely but for the faint lathing of a pine branch caught up in the crimped underside of the wheel well and of course, the malfunctioned airbag partially deflated.
It stands to reason, everyone suddenly aware of the
reasoning as it stood had said, that these things are going to happen, eventually things
need to be replaced, things break, wear out and so on.
A full ten day non-stop media driven freak out.
In all there were 1,704 incidents and 381 fatalities, the number of deaths having dropped sharply after the 4th day of "Airbagolypse".
It (the drop in fatalities) having been theorized by the medias talking heads that because of the media attention (specifically you might or otherwise be nudged to conclude, the invaluable aforementioned talking heads) causing vigilance among consumers that most likely many, many – you’d want to say “untold” lives were saved.
A full ten day non-stop media driven freak out.
In all there were 1,704 incidents and 381 fatalities, the number of deaths having dropped sharply after the 4th day of "Airbagolypse".
It (the drop in fatalities) having been theorized by the medias talking heads that because of the media attention (specifically you might or otherwise be nudged to conclude, the invaluable aforementioned talking heads) causing vigilance among consumers that most likely many, many – you’d want to say “untold” lives were saved.
Said vigilance typified with a reared-back
approach to driving around town with the backs of heads pressed firmly against
the seatbacks and to the extreme right with arms stiffened straight grasping
tightly to the wheel in anticipation of sudden UAD.
There was also a noticeable lack of the usual loud music emanating from certain vehicles in traffic.
There was also a noticeable lack of the usual loud music emanating from certain vehicles in traffic.
The upsides were rapidly taking over
the human interest aspect and jumping headlong into the consumer benefit and
the corporate profit margins, e.g., a congressional inquiry to mandate tougher
consumer safety laws, and, as it happens, a much needed economic shot in the
arm.
One example being a spike in sales of remote-start equipment that resulted from the reported four, at-point-of-ignition Unintended Airbag Deployments.
The jump in sales causing there to be a shortage of such systems and of course rapid inflation per unit – entrepreneurial speculators who’d immediately foreseen the demand and consequent spike in price of such equipment had bought up much of the available stock of auto-start systems which were previously widely available for under $200.00, now selling for $1200 – 2k on e-bay and other such online markets. The used car starting systems market also exploded as profiteers ripped their own equipment out to reap the huge investment turnaround - another obvious result being that systems were stolen, serial numbers ground off and sold on Craigslist.
The jump in sales causing there to be a shortage of such systems and of course rapid inflation per unit – entrepreneurial speculators who’d immediately foreseen the demand and consequent spike in price of such equipment had bought up much of the available stock of auto-start systems which were previously widely available for under $200.00, now selling for $1200 – 2k on e-bay and other such online markets. The used car starting systems market also exploded as profiteers ripped their own equipment out to reap the huge investment turnaround - another obvious result being that systems were stolen, serial numbers ground off and sold on Craigslist.
Some anxious motorists had
placed a brick on their gas pedals and, usually hanging on to a friend
or relative or volunteer, kicked their car’s gear shifter from the neutral
position to D, the vehicles facing directly 10-12 ft away from a large tree
or sometimes the rear-facing concrete block of their local shopping centers (as
one of the many online how-to videos had instructed, showing that usually only
minor cosmetic damage to the front bumper would result - less if pillows were tied to the bumper) in order to
preemptively explode the deadly airbags as the wait list to get a car into the
dealership or local mechanic just to have an airbag disabled was then at about three weeks.
Backyard mechanics of dubious qualifications were making money as they’d say, “hand over fist” by offering to disable airbags for a small (cash) fee. Which usually meant driving to a park with an abundance of large-trunk trees – arborists on NPR and standing outside park entrances armed with informational poster boards and inspirational coffee cups pleading to these people to stop the practice after numerous trees were designated to be cut down after so many pre-emp concussions had turned dozens of tree’s trunks into wobbly mushy pulp.
Brake-Park interlock having no agreement or overriding authority on the letter 'N'.
Billboards were pasted and hotlines set up for those who were desperate to relieve themselves of the anxiety of driving around with a fickle bomb in front of their face advertising low cost resources to get their AB’s disconnected or "pre-empted".
Backyard mechanics of dubious qualifications were making money as they’d say, “hand over fist” by offering to disable airbags for a small (cash) fee. Which usually meant driving to a park with an abundance of large-trunk trees – arborists on NPR and standing outside park entrances armed with informational poster boards and inspirational coffee cups pleading to these people to stop the practice after numerous trees were designated to be cut down after so many pre-emp concussions had turned dozens of tree’s trunks into wobbly mushy pulp.
Brake-Park interlock having no agreement or overriding authority on the letter 'N'.
Billboards were pasted and hotlines set up for those who were desperate to relieve themselves of the anxiety of driving around with a fickle bomb in front of their face advertising low cost resources to get their AB’s disconnected or "pre-empted".
The whole thing was quite a boon for some small towns with
local chatter including: “A blessing in disguise” - “Gods will” - “One man’s potentially fatal air bag is
another man’s new deer stand” and so on.
Of course there were the few quiet diner and dark tavern
conversations that attempted to put things into the proper conspiratorial
context i.e., Population control/Alien invisible force- type things/laser
pointers/Mass-transit Illuminati/the fact that car computer software was now
developed and produced primarily in countries with large percentages of Muslim population followed by the qualifier, “I don’t need to tell you what that means..” the kind of statement that begs for some
tellin’ of what that may or may not exactly mean although not the case (desire or need for clarification) for those in attendance.
Adding to suspicion was the hyper-fact that Opel was the only manufacturer who’s vehicles did not have any UAD’s and
the underlining fact that it was a German
company and that GM before the rise of
Nazism had bought in at a historic 80% (wholly owning Opel and it’s Brandenburg and Russelsheim manufacturing plants by '31)and continued to profit(GM) with this acquisition
throughout WW2(except the year 1945 for
obvious reasons ) though much of that profit was derived from taking a
write-off after the Nazi’s took control of operations as shown in the upfront
accounting - all other underreported ‘intheback’ accountings were
funneled and skirted and laundered through the ever present financial
management of JP Morgan. Post –Hollis/pre-Chase Manhattan.
Fly-by-night used car lots were humming with business, one
such questionable establishment advertising a ‘Bill$ for Bags’ trade-in deal,
the exact terms and conditions of the ambiguous proposition were not explained but judging by the live
KGOTV helicopter shots - it was working.
It was shortly after Weber was found and extricated from his
overturned Black Carbon V12 Vantage and a series of CAT scans and MRI’s under
the guidance of the physicians at Aspen Valley hospital were administered–
which concluded that Weber had suffered only a slight case of whiplash and a
broken mid-finger – that Weber held a press
conference outside of the main non-emergency entrance amid a brewing
windstorm. Weber declaring that he had had a near death experience of the type that
brought about a startling series of epiphanies and that effective immediately
the Genocide Channel was no longer and he would assemble a team of theologians
and various biblical scholars in the
coming days in order to give the world The Genesis Channel- wholly dedicated to
the Book of Genesis after which he would expand into an entire network he would call TOT TV and dedicate an
individual channel to each of the books of The Old Testament.
Game shows, talk shows, cooking shows, perhaps (he thought in the wilds of his mind) situational comedies. All based on and promotion for the Holy Bible, TOT - most likely KJV.
Game shows, talk shows, cooking shows, perhaps (he thought in the wilds of his mind) situational comedies. All based on and promotion for the Holy Bible, TOT - most likely KJV.
To Weber’s right
and from a perch on the third floor of Alpine Valley Hospital a flock of pigeons suddenly dispersed
from the ledge that Weber alone noticed and took as a sign from god her/him omnisexual self.
Unnoticed and occurring in simulcast with Weber’s press conference was the perilously hobbling helter-skelter, hemipelvectomized osteosarcoma patient on the same corner of the same building but four floors aloft on a ledge who, had (and purposley we think) fallen to his death thus causing the sudden avian departure.
The terminal man’s
hospital gown-muffled scream and subsequent cringe worthy crushing splat onto
the freshly seal coated pavement below having been drowned out by the applause of
those attending the press conference – mainly media-types and crew and any
hospital employee taking the opportunity to sneak another smoke break.
TGC’s board of directors were en route to the W. Washington
street's corporate offices in a panic, watching in-Town Car the snippets of
Weber’s press conference that had now
begun to flash on all the major network news channels redundantly scrolling
across the bottom of the screens as well. Of course the board members were in
complete agreement as to their thoughts in regards to the situation at hand -
what wasn’t agreed upon and thus the purpose for the emergency board meeting
was what to do about it – more specifically, what to do about Weber.
Several of the board members were already in contact with
lawyers and medical experts in preparation to have Weber removed, at least
temporarily, as CEO ipso facto the press conference causing TGC stock to plummet.
The CSO, CRO, V.P. and CAO (Administrative, not Analytics)
were all, as it were, on board. The next several hours being of most importance. Not low on the list of priorities was to contact all sponsors/partners to assure them
that Weber’s announcement was a result of delirium obviously caused by the
injuries sustained and that they would make sure that Weber got the best
medical attention to bring him back to ‘normal’ and that in the mean time it
was absolutely without a doubt business as usual.
Story line Notes- Weber returns to his penthouse and from
there sets up control and command of the soon to be defunct GC – a series of
maneuvers from the BofD’s fails to wrestle control of the company from Weber
who then ? –also the feds inquiry into allegations of Weber et al pitting ethnic
militant groups against one another(by funding both sides and etc,) was closed
w/ some outside speculators floating the notion that this was all part of
Weber’s bogus miracle jesus transformation from the start- amid all the glowing attention begins to
write his online AutoBio which soon encompasses all of his time and leads to
his demise as described in arc of Weber
