...!...

"What do we got here?"
                                   'Do you have to say it like that?'
"Like What?"
                           ' "What do we got here?" All CSI, David Caruso. Where's your sunglasses?'


"Jesus. Bad weekend? What'd ya want me to say?"


'I don't know, "Hey, Ray, what's goin' on?" - you know, like normal.'


"Fuck... Hey, Ray, what's goin on here?"


'I think it's the "here" part. I mean like, it's redundant. But you know I'm just fucking with you, kind of. Anyway, what we got here is a guy chained up in the backyard like a dog.'


"What's the guy say, any witnesses, do we have a perp?"


'No. Maybe. I don't know I just got here a few minutes ago myself. We're waiting on some bolt cutters to get here.'


"For what?"


'The chain's padlocked around his neck.'


"No one has bolt cutters?"


'No. I called for a wrecker.'


"Why?"


'They got bolt cutters.'


"They do, are you sure?"


*shrug*


"Not a Caruso fan, huh?"


'Are you kidding me? He's fuckin terrible.'


"I don't know, I like the show."


'I can tell.'




"Whatever, Ray. Nice backyard. 
Okay, so, guy's chained up like a dog with a frisbee folded in half  shoved in his mouth and secured with duct tape and mittens taped to his hands."


'Yep. Supposed to be dog paws, I think'


"You get a picture of this?"


'I'm not lookin for a lawsuit.'




"It's evidence, Petoskey. Nobody else here, around?"


'Nope. Except a dog.'


"Where's the dog?"


'In the house.'


"Is this his residence?"


'I think so. You mean the dog or the victim?'


"Both. I guess."


'I think so. Both I'd guess. Oh, I found this nailed to the siding.'


"Why didn't you say-"


'I forgot. It's kind of funny.'


"What, the note?"


'Well, yeah - I mean the whole thing's funny.The guy's tied up outside, the dog is in the house curled up on the bed with a water dish and a giant rawhide bone watching, I mean this fuckin' dog is watching, Animal Planet. And then the note, read it.'


"Maybe we should take the frisbee out'a the guys mouth first, see what he has to say?"


'Yeah but read the letter first. The guys been kind of hostile since we got here. Let 'em decide to calm down, you know, it's not our fault. It's Monday, you know, I don't feel like getting crapped on by a civilian, first thing.'


"No shit. Let's go in the house. Investigate..."










'Definitely a bachelor pad.'


"Of a teenager. Who keeps Hustler on the coffee table?"


'What's wrong with that?'


"The guy's like fifty. It's kind of creepy at a certain age."


'Pussy is pussy no matter how old you are.'


"Now you sound like a pedophile."


'Just read the note.'

“People of the city

You are on notice

I will do unto you

As you do unto your dogs

This is only the beginning

Signed –the Animal Avenger.

he wrote, ‘signed’ here.”

‘Yeah, I know, there.’

“Give it a rest.
 What’s this drawing?”

‘Aah, looks like a dog paw high-fiving a hand.’

“Christ.”

‘What?’

“We got ourselves a vigilante.”

‘Why’d he go with “Animal Avenger”? He specifically sites in the letter “what you do unto your dogs” Not, what you do unto your animals.’

“I’m not following you h- whadda ya mean?”

‘Well, why didn’t he call himself the dog avenger?’

“I don’t know. Dogs are animals.”

‘Actually they’re canines.’

“What, canines aren’t animals? Canine avenger doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue”

‘Either does “Dog Avenger”.’

“I wasn’t saying that. I’m fine with Animal Avenger. You’re the one who's got a problem with it.”

* ......... *

‘That’ll be the wrecker.’

“Let’s go cut this guy loose. See what he can tell us.”

‘What about the dog?’

*shrug&head-shake*

‘Come ‘re and check this out.’

‘Can you believe this shit?’

“I saw this episode. That guy bothers me. I mean, do you think if the cameras weren’t following him around 

he’d act like that?”

‘I never thought about it. He’s better than the girl, though. She’s so god damn nasally and talks down to everyone. Hey, boy. You a good doggy?’

“I’m gonna use the shitter real quick. Fuckin’ coffee.”

‘Thanks for sharin', I’m gonna grab the notebook for this interview.'

“Let’s just record ‘em.”

‘I like to take notes. You know, jot down some ideas or whatever.

“Whatever.”


'I mean like, thoughts I have.'


"That wasn't 'whatever' with a question mark it was like, 'whatever, I'm gotta take a dump here."





TO BE CONT....